this is stupid. no matter what i do i'm screwed.... either way i lose something. so im a mess... stuck & waiting, 'till maybe everything will figure it self out.

& i keep going back to the one thing
i need to walk away from.

i think one day you'll realize what you're missing.... the day i walk away and never come back, the day i look you in the eye and tell you how i feel, the day i tell you that i don't love you, and the day that i actually mean it all, every word. falling for you, over and over and over and over again isn't easy you know. especially when the only time you ever come to catch me is when i've already gotten back up, because im independent. and that's exactly what scares me. it's like im losing this battle with myself, one part of me knows not to love you, but the other just can't help it.  and the thing is... you know it, every bit of it, you know what you're doing to me, like it's some cruel joke, i'm just hanging -- you won't let go, but you can't seem to reel me in.  i'm just there, for torture? for relief? what is the purpose i am serving in your life... honestly. can't you just let me live without you? one day i'll pull away, i'll be gone, because i'll finally realize these tears, hopes, and dreams arn't worth my time. one day... you will miss me. and i'll laugh. because it's what i've felt all along.

you've hurt me more than I've ever been hurt before
but that's not the part that bothers me, really. the
part that really bothers me is the fact that I still love you.

Every now and then, those three little words slip out.
No, not I love you, and no, not I hate you, but I miss you.
And for an instant, I can't stand myself because I know you
never thought about me, half as much as I think about you.

I bet you didn't know that I am
terrified of the dark,
and every time I think of you, I smile.
I bet you don't know that I hate thunderstorms
but love dancing in the rain.
or how much I laugh with my friends
& how much I truly enjoy being happy.
I bet you don't know how many tears
I've cried just for you,
or how much I doubt myself every day.
I bet you don't know how ticklish I am
or how I can't make decisions.
& how it drives me crazy
when you look into my eyes.
I bet you didn't know that I would
do anything to be with you.
But mostly I bet you didn't know
how much I miss you.

it's ok... i'll just wait.

because no matter how hard i try

i can't get over you and no matter

how hard you hurt me i still can't

help but think that one day

this will work.... we'll be together.

am i really too stupid to see that you're not worth it?

i officially miss summer... a ton : ( but i still like fall.